Death by Dogma
I used to be a raw vegan influencer. This was before influencers existed. It was the wild wild west of the blogging days! Vegan food bloggers at the time were the pioneers of food influencing and I was included in this group. We posted our thoughts on nutrition gained by the books we read. We would take photos of every meal we ate and then post them on social media. At the time this was really exciting! Raw food was a new trend and there were very few recipes out there. Every blog post by a raw foodist was an opportunity to learn a few more recipes. Community started forming around the trend and a few bloggers began to rise to the top including myself! I gained brand deals and affiliate work. I was sent free raw vegan products to try in exchange for a review on my blog. I was admired for my clear skin and the slim physique gained by this diet and I started to earn leadership in my everyday life as well. People asked me to host events and these events were packed to the brim. All was well! I even started getting PAID to be a raw vegan chef.
I could just see the road ahead opening up for me...
1- Continuing to gain followers as I already was at a rapid pace!
2- More collaborations with bloggers that were way more popular with me. This was already happening as these big bloggers were making (and raving about) my recipes!
3- More affiliate and brand collaborations bringing me more free product and eventually money!
4- The potential of releasing recipe books that would sell like hot cakes (lol but make them cold and raw and vegan)
5- Continuing to build a physical career in raw foods by hosting more events and accepting more private chef jobs.
Oh yes. My future was looking bright. I had so much peace knowing that there was a lot of momentum behind my blog. I had so much traction, but then...
My hair started falling out.
And not just a little, but a lot. And daily. It got so bad that I did a massive chop. It looked horrible. I thought it would make it look less scraggly, but now it was SHORT and scraggly.
Then my boyfriend at the time started to comment that I did not look well. I was too skinny. I was spending hours a day online reading other raw foodists' blogs and they were as skinny as I was so I took my thin body as a sign of healing and detox not of illness and deterioration. My boyfriend was adamant however. I needed to change something.
Then came the stress fractures.
Doing a quick 15 minute jog around the block resulted in stress fractures in my feet. After doing some research I learned this could be due to diet.
and I became dangerously depressed.
Something I had never experienced before. This was the big alarm bell for me. I had never had negative and dark thoughts about life before. When I started to be depressed I knew I was losing my connection with myself and something had to change.
I kept doing research and came to the conclusion that I had to change my diet. Even though I was now programed with the belief that "COOKED FOOD IS POISON." I had to choose me over the programming if I wanted to make it out of this chapter of my life alive.
And it was extremely difficult, perhaps one of the most difficult decisions of my life, because now a lot was at stake-
I had built an identity as a raw vegan. If I stopped being raw vegan everyone would think I am a quitter or a liar.
My popularity hinged on the fact that I ate raw vegan food and raw vegan food only. If I quit eating this way would people still like me or pay me any attention?
I was starting to build abundance in the field of raw veganism. If I were to quit now, what would that mean to my financial prosperity? I had devoted years of my life to this diet and would it now all be a waste? How would I make money again?
I could re-label these 3 bullet points as
NEED FOR VALIDATION
PEOPLE PLEASING
FEAR/LACK MINDSET
I want you all to know that I chose trusting in myself and authenticity over those 3 evils and the result was that
1- People called me a liar and a quitter.
2- I lost all of my followers and everyone quit paying attention to me.
3- I lost all of my income from raw foods.
BUT... My depression went away. My hair grew back in and my stress fractures healed and never came back. I lost the world, but I gained my connection with myself and I gained vitality. I also remained authentic and within my integrity even if it meant disappointing everyone. I also found new community and built new income streams!
Had I not done this. Had I not chosen my truth and my connection with myself which meant me no longer being raw vegan... and instead chose to BE VALIDATED. PLEASE OTHERS and be guided by FEAR and DESPERATION by remaining raw vegan. I could have honestly died. I am not exaggerating when I say this. I was literally physically withering away and my mental health was NOT OK. We will not even dig into that as it is really horrible to think about and possibly quite triggering to some.
Self abandonment is never the answer and sometimes choosing yourself means to reject the entire world, but we are said to be created in God's image and when we honor our truth and our integrity we truly do choose to be in alignment with a higher order and therefore remain healthy. We also gain peace.
I write about this today, because I saw an article about a woman who literally died of starvation as a raw vegan. It is honestly devastating, because I think back and realize this could have been me.
I could have gained the world in my attempt to be validated, please others and act out of desperation... I could have gained brand deals, followers, finances, but I would have ultimately destroyed myself! There is no way in hell that that woman's body wasn't crying out to her to eat anything other than durians and jackfruit. I know when I was stuck in the dogma of raw foods that my mouth would water in the canned foods aisle if I spotted a can of tuna. My body physically craved meat! I rejected it over and over again (until I didn't... of course).
I can't speak for her, but I am sad to report I have seen this so many times in the raw food community, when people rejected their own intuition and the own yearnings of their bodies in order to remain a slave to their dogma. Kristen's Raw witnessed her children's stunted growth and lacking mental faculties for years before she decided to introduce animal products into their diet. Matt Monarch's dogma cost him his colon & popular Youtuber Miss Krystle experienced a slew of problems during her time as a vegan including heart palpitations, chronic fatigue and vertigo amongst many other symptoms. This is not even uncommon. I have seen these things happen to so many dogmatic vegans.
It's not even that veganism is in and of itself inherently "dangerous." It absolutely can be. It's the dogma however, that is incredibly dangerous. Dogma requests that we ignore our intuition, including the demands of our bodies in order to take on an identity or to live by a limited concept of what is "true" or "righteous." When what is healthiest for a human being is to be beyond identity or concept. What is "true" and "righteous" can never come from the conceptual, it can only be understood within by listening to our inner knowing which includes listening to the needs of the body.
And so dogma kills. It could have quite possibly killed Zhanna D'art the vegan influencer that died of starvation. She refused to listen to the needs of her body. She instead fell slave to the dogma that is raw food veganim. At least allegedly... or so it seems. I was walking down that same path and it feels all too familiar.
Living by dogma is an act of self-abandonment and it is self-return that leads to inner peace and ultimately vitality. If you are struggling at choosing you or if you are prone to self-abandonment, feel free to reach out to me for one on one coaching. I specialize in returning you back to you, where you belong!
For coaching- hi@nicolebrenny.com