2.5 Years of Bliss

About 2.5 years ago, in a moment of mental, physical and emotional surrender… alone in a room by myself I was overcome with an experience unlike anything I have ever had before. It was the feeling of unconditional love and truth so strong that it forever changed me. This feeling never left me and for the last 2.5 years I have lived in various states of bliss. I won’t go into the how or whys of this bliss as that would take a long time, but I want to share with you what it has been like to live for 2.5 years in a state of bliss.

The blissful beginning. In the first months I was overcome with a bliss so strong that I lived in a thoughtless state for months. I felt very much in the flow of life. If I was a metaphorical surfer then it was almost as if I had caught a wave that lasted for months without ever falling off. I was in a state of thrilling bliss with no interruption. During these initial months I felt as though my body and emotions were purifying. I started to spontaneously speak in Sanskrit (or similar unknown language) and received many mudras or hand gestures that would further my blissful state. Nothing that I would do would really take me out of this state. During the end of these initial months I started to spontaneously sing sacred chants. These would continue to purify and cleanse me energetically and physically.

Obstacles. The following year was a push and pull between moments of bliss and moments of strife. The strife filled moments happened in my everyday life and seemed to be very deep past triggering events re-playing themselves in the present. These past events would then conjure a physical response in me. Through mental discipline, mudras, mantras and songs these external phenomena would dissolve and certain energetic crusts almost (so hard to explain!) would be dislodged and dissolve within me. This energetic debris felt extremely physical. I could feel this debris in my heart or my throat for example and the only thing that would dislodge this debris was to go into a deep state of bliss through mudra, mantra and singing in order to dissolve them. All of this was not an act, but me being in a state of surrender while I spontaneously allowed mudra, mantra and singing to fill me and move through me to bring me back to a state of balance and bliss.

Physical healing. This period as well as the one that followed continued to bring up scenarios that triggered me out of bliss to challenge and stir up new mantras, mudras and songs that would then bring me deeper into a blissful state. All the while these actions would bring about a change in me physically. Never have I ever sang as high or low or as powerfully before. These adjustments also brought to light certain physical issues such as a tooth infection that once healed allowed me to go even deeper into my blissful state.

Currently. As time has passed my external reality is beginning to feel as peaceful and calm as what my inner world has felt like since the beginning of this blissful period. Certain friends have come and go, as well as opportunities, clients and locations and new and more peaceful scenarios have arrived in their place. There is always a baseline of bliss that I operate within, but as my life has become a lot less secluded and I more regularly deal with others I have found that there are more triggers and patterns that come to the fore. The mantras, mudras and songs all change in relation to this ephemera and when performed precisely the blissful state maintains and expands while my body also purifies. When this happens these real life scenarios tend to fade away or abruptly end as well.

There are also many rituals that happen that used to confuse my logical mind, but are now a part of my daily routine and existence. I allow them to occur and therefore maintain my bliss. I find that living this way keeps me in a state of virtue: authentic, accepting, surrendered, trusting, faithful, etc. and it naturally does away with the evils of the past- fear, doubt, shame, greed, regret, etc. I live in a peaceful and inspired state.

While it was easy to maintain a blissful existence all alone in a room by myself, I notice that as time passes I have become more skillful in navigating life in a discerning way that allows me to return to my bliss even when people and situations deeply trigger me. In fact, I welcome and invite these triggers as I know that I can master and expand beyond them in such a way as to never encounter them again.

I believe the first months of bliss were almost like a honeymoon period to show the deep satiety that our virtue can offer when we rest fully in it and that the last 2(ish) years have been a process of me winning inner battles in order to live forever in that honeymoon like state. It was the experience of unconditional love that brought me into this bliss and I know that all love requires this commitment. Would it not be any different in a romantic relationship? Where we fall in love and must grow and learn to better ourselves as individuals in order to maintain those deep feelings of love as a couple over time?

I have grown so deeply in my commitment, my surrender, trust and faith. I have put it before all other aims insomuch as that any other aim has become almost silly to me in a way.

When I first felt bliss I felt no doubt. It was a feeling so real… realer than real that nothing else in life seemed solid anymore. I wanted to build my foundation on THAT and that alone. I have tried my hardest to share this experience with the public. Searching for texts or other authors who might have experienced the same to express, “Hey! I’m not crazy… this also happened to so and so! It’s real!” but I have found that often I more or less cast pearls before swine. My ideas also get lost in language and ideologies. However, for those of you with eyes to see and ears to hear you might enjoy reading about others who have experienced this such as Kabir, Mirabai and Saint Teresa of Avila. The works that have captured this state the best are the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita and the vedas, but they must be interpreted with wisdom and wisdom comes from the full on experience of unconditional love.

For those of you who crave such an experience, practice self acceptance and acceptance of your lot in life. Surrender and dig as deeply as you can to enjoy the here and now.

And as always, for help on this journey email me for coaching: hi@nicolebrenny.com or go here to book now ♡